This page is a place for me to write my thoughts down, I will put poems and inner thinking down when I feel it's good enough for here!
Sleep has been hard lately, up until 4am working on basically nothing. Going back and forth between pouring my heart and soul into projects and then just... Giving up? Finding out something is wrong that I, me and all my effort, can't fix. I am finally losing weight, but I fear it's due to an incoming depression. Work is meaningless and sleep is a savior that I can only pray for. I'm sorry to be so depressing... I only hope making my silly little music can cheer me up.
So I work at a big name pizza place, we only do takeout and delivery. The pizza that people make confuses me sometimes. I try not to think too hard about the None Pizza Left Beef(s) of the world but it's still kinda odd. It is astonishing the amount of people who order what is 100% an unfolded calzone, Usually this consists of half no cheese other half drenched in topping. It's even more out there when I know for a fact we have several actual calzone shops open longer than our pizza store is! It's a strange world out there.
I've expressed that I am part of the Otherkin community, though what that means to me is entirely another thing. I have had some form of Dysphoria for many years. When I was really little I thought of my body as not my own, despite being in it. It feels wrong, even to this day. Deep down I wish I could change it at will, and not deal with what is, in the eyes of the world, Me.
It hurts a little bit. I have hurt over it. I tried to end it several times due to the sheer disconnect between how I felt and who I was forced to be.
It felt so wrong for so long, until one day I met somebody on Discord of all places. I met somebody like me, who shared in my pain, and hurt. We talked for hours, and became very close, we are even still close now. They showed me that being alone wasn't an option. That's how I found out I wasn't really in the binary that people tried to push on me.
It was through them showing me VR that I found a group of Otherkin, and honestly I didn't know what they were outside of weird kids in masks on the news. I'd seen it a lot, but when it was explained to me, I simply understood. Without question I knew these were my people and that was who I am.
What the Otherkin stuff is to me, is an escape from how I feel in my own body. The deep down feeling I don't belong how I am. The thought that there are people out there who understand helps quite a lot. I may be a Therian in particular, but Otherkin as a whole brought light back to my life. I encourage all to look into yourself if you're unsure, the worst that could happen is you learning it's not for you.
PartlyTermite, or Termite, is a music producer of about 5 years. Looking for a fresh start with a clean plate.
Termite is They/Them and is proudly queer.
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